Second Day

Let the games begin.

Wow - last night totally sucked. I think that was the most tired I have ever been in my entire life. Now, I have stayed up for 36 hours straight working on a term paper and I was tired then. But this is much different. Last night I had to be alert and aware of every single sound and then be awake enough to get up every 2 1/2 hours (not that I was sleeping in between these times) and change his diaper, then attempt to breastfeed (hard to do in bed, when tired and not getting enough hydration for yourself), give up on breastfeeding after 10-15 minutes, warm up the bottle, feed him the bottle, change his diaper again and then put him back in his cosleeper. After all of this you would think that you could sleep. Nope. Instead, you hear every single groan, grunt and coo.

I think I may have slept for 30 minutes last night. Long enough to have this dream: I'm riding my bike (shwinn) to Andrew Kupersmith's house on Armour and Central. It's warm outside and late. It's a beautiful night. Then I start to worry that I didn't tell Andy (my Andy) where I was going and I didn't bring my cell phone and if Alex wakes up and he doesn't know where I am he'll panic and what if something happens to Alex and Andy needs his sleep to go to work in the morning.

I wake up to the sounds of Alex grunting and Andy snoring. At least one of us (two?) is sleeping.

My saving grace today (Thursday) was Aunt Leisa. She came over at 10 this morning and gave me a 2 hour nap. Then after taking care of Alex for his changing/feeding/changing and my pumping, she gave me another 2 hour nap. I truly don't believe I could have continued on in my lack of sleep/depressed state any longer. After emotionally breaking down about how tired and sick I was feeling (When I don't sleep I get sick. When I get sick from lack of sleep, I can't eat. Then I worry that I won't produce enough milk and I get more sick. It's a vicious cycle) around 8:30pm last night (Thursday), Andy took the first shift and let me sleep for 3 1/2 hours. Now I'm on the night shift in the living room, hoping to give Andy some sleep.

Now it's 3:22am and Alexander and I are in the living room. He's grunting and groaning, Annie is asleep on the couch and I am sitting in the recliner, thinking about turning on the Australian Open. A benefit of being awake in the middle of the night is watching tennis live and not recorded live. I wonder if Alexander would be awake or asleep if he was in Australia? Does a baby know what time zone they're in?